PRIVATE PARK AT THE HUDSON HOTEL

Hudson Hotel
356 West 58th Street
212/554-6000

Private Park Website

THE BARON'S BABBLE: Listen, dear readers, and the Baron shall confide in you... you shall hear a terrifying tale of his greatest defeat. Some nobility are the type to laze and lounge about their ancestral redoubts, but not the Baron. No, The Von Drinkensteins are men of action! So, on a recent sunny afternoon, the other Counts and Countesses of BWAV were otherwise occupied, and the Baron set out all alone for the treacherous journey to Columbus Circle in hopes of basking in the sun of the Hudson's terrace. Sure, two martinis would cost close to forty dollars, but the door fee at a strip club is $30, and the waitresses are wearing less at the Hudson. Plus, the Baron is known to enjoy ginormous garden tools designed by Phillipe Starck.

Alas, the Hudson was more like Waterloo!
The doors to the terrace were all very locked, and where expense accounts once ran rampant, an army of masons scurried about a terrace-under-construction with the ferocity of manservants in the Baron's Hamburg Castle. Zis' is not the time or place for Hamburg Helpers. (Zey do not even have ze immigration papers!) Zis is the place for ze models and ze martinis!

Seriously, the Hudson was created by Ian Schrager, a man who cared about accommodating his guests so much that he pumped drugs through the air conditioning system at Studio 54... Now, he's gone and they can't even open a terrace in time for spring? Weak!

SUTTON PLACE

1015 Second Avenue
(between 53rd & 54th Streets)
212/207-3777

Sutton Place Website

AL'S REVIEW: When I saw the pictures on their website, I couldn't believe it was the same bar! Every summer, I seem to venture here at least once - with low expectations. The crowd consist of B & T folk who line up and wait to get access to the often over-packed roof terrace that overlooks Second Avenue. Sandwiched between two buildings, the view only offers a chance to look into the neighbor's apartment across the way and down below on the traffic piling up due to nearby construction sites. Definitely come here Thursday through Saturday if you can't find your summer hookup on the Jersey shore!

THE BARON'S BABBLING: The Baron suspects that "douchebag" is the new black; apparently, being a douchebag, that is to say popping your collar, wearing too much Drakar Noir, and using enough mousse (yes, mousse, not product) to factor into the debate on national petroleum dependence is in! Well, at least at Sutton Place. If your rent on York Ave or in Staten Island is low enough to afford a night on the town, head to Sutton Place. Here you will find others interested in talking loudly about sports, but paying no mind to the actual game (which is on countless screens, but oddly unwatchable.) At this drinkery, women seem to find your public demands for a ZJ charming! Wait, there's more, at this Shangrai-La, the music will be so loud, that no one will hear you... ergo, the douchebag dialect might seem intellectual. Yes, truly an oasis, this Sutton Place is! However, for the rest of, do not assume that SP's four bars mean one will be redeeming; if you want to play the odds, hit the Playwright.

Beware.... Beware!
(Steen, Steen!)

AVA LOUNGE

Ava Lounge

Dream Hotel

210 West 55th St., PH

212/956-7020

Ava Lounge Website

CHUGGS SAYZ: Let's face it, if the temperature is over 70 and I'm on a rooftop drinking and watching the sun go down - I'm about as happy as can be. But while that may be good enough for me, you might want the details so, here they are:

Located atop the Dream Hotel in midtown Manhattan, the bi-level Ava Lounge is nothing if it isn't a "bar with a view". One hell of a view, that is. In fact, I'd venture to say it might be the best view of any midtown watering hole - particularly if you catch the sunset from the roof deck. But man can't survive on view alone. Aside from the view, the strongest things at Ava are the cocktails, 2 or 3 of them and your night will be off to a fabulous, albeit expensive, start. The bartenders pour a good stiff drink (as they damn well should at $15-$23 a pop) and the obsequious wait staff is right there to make sure your glass doesn't sit empty for more than a minute or two. The crowd is eclectic - after all this is a hotel and it is in midtown - they get a wide range of patrons from suits to tourists and everyone in between. The decor is, well, adequate. Their website dubbed it "retro-modern", but I'll call it "wanna- be hipster" and while it's comfortable enough, it just might be taking itself a little too seriously. The "reserved" signs on every single table were a little over the top too. Especially since it was about 6:00p.m. and 75% of the tables were empty. I might have believed that it was all booked up except that my party got seated immediately with only the caveat that they "might need to move us if all the reservations show up". As the deck filled to over capacity in the next hour and a half, I must've heard that same caveat 6 times. Call me a cynic but I think the whole "reserved" thing is nothing more than a bullshit attempt at self-important exclusivity.

All in all I'm not going out of my way to go there very often. Don't get me wrong, with the stiff drinks and exceptional view, I'll definitely Ava 'nother cocktail or 3 there at some point this summer.